coping · fear · Fighting · Internal Conflict · Negotiation · Settlement

It’s Easier to Help Others who are Fighting than to Help Myself

It’s one of the things I’m best at.  Moderating disputes with others. Plenty of us are the same way.  Maybe it’s a financial advisor with money woes. Or a family doctor with obesity.  In a sense, we all have some degree of expertise in interpersonal relationships.


And we all know that relationship trouble is like playing golf.  When there is trouble, everyone volunteers their advice to help make things better.But when there is a slump, it’s not the objective mechanics that are an issue. It’s a mental thing. There is some emotional thing going on that has destroyed confidence.  Or elevated confidence.

Our problem is that conflicts and fighting all involve emotional issues. This means that problems don’t get solved until the emotion has the chance to flare down.  Sometimes that takes minutes.

Sometimes it takes months or years.

We all have our problems, and I have mine. Too often our problems become the problems of those we love.  When his happens, an emotional beating can come from outside and from inside. The outside beating is usually the bounceback of other beatings inflicted upon that outside source.

When things get to this point, friends and family are often the worst to go to. Friends and family take sides. What happens when there is a therapist for each person?  That therapist takes on a role of advocating and supporting that person. The other side of the story is often not available, and some insight from others isn’t available.

This is where a third party comes in.  Somebody who has no emotional attachment to the dispute. This person doesn’t have a side.  This person doesn’t take sides.  Usually, each side will THINK that the neutral is taking the side of the other person.  This person, being by nature objective and rational, will usually be able to communicate in a way that is understood by the other person.

Regardless of the dispute, most people just want to be heard.  They want to be understood.  Not by lawyers or judges or friends or therapists.  They want to be heard and understood by the person with whom he or she is fighting.

That’s what I do best. I do that for others. For myself, though?  How can a person say “I’m great at this” but have arguments with others in personal life?  I’d say honestly – because I am human. I have foibles and blemishes like everyone else.  Probably more than most.

I’ve got insight. Now I just gotta work on my outsight.


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